Sitting here. By myself. Husband doesn’t come. Son didn’t wanna come. Almost hid in the kids classroom until it was time to start Wednesday night classes for the 3rd and 5th graders. Decided I need to stop being a hermit. I figured I’d look like a fool sitting by myself. But I’m not a fool. It makes me strong. Plus there are plenty of others. It’s a step in a different direction for me. I already stepped outside my box and decided to volunteer at church. That was a very big step for me. I’m a hermit. A recluse. I have a hard time being around people. Social anxiety. Plus they seem sort of clicks sometimes. It makes ya feel kind of weird. Not belonging. However I have to tell myself I’m not here for the people. I’m here to become closer to God. To serve Him. For Him.
I have to stop caring what people think of me. What I think people see when they look at me.
It never matters. It doesn’t change me. It doesn’t make me any different. It doesn’t make me less or more of a person. In the end I’m still me. Ashley. Bipolar. A little crazy. Possibly two personalities. Heck maybe more. Who knows! 🤷🏻♀️
So If you’re like me. Stop caring. 🛑 just be you. Embrace it. Learn to control it. But love yourself. No matter who you are.
Merry Christmas y’all.
Keep knocking. Persistently and shamelessly knock on Gods door. Consistently ask for what you want and you shall receive. I’m horrible at praying. I can’t remember to. I can’t seem to find the right time or I should say make time because I’m always tied up in a video game, Work or just plain lazy.
My vow is to keep asking for what I need and thanking Him for what he’s already given me.
I ask for the mindset I need. I’m not asking to NOT be bipolar anymore. I think the Lord has blessed me with this mind for a reason. I am bipolar mania and I married my husband who I’m pretty sure is bipolar depressive. Opposites attract right? 😆 sometimes we are completely on different ends but every once in awhile we meet in the middle. Those moments are amazing!
Hopefully one day I’ll learn to manage my mouth, my thoughts, and whatever else seems to need managing.
Ok so this morning and throughout th day I have been taking CBD oil through the vape. I feel amazing. I feel stress free, happy, no headaches, calm and just amazing. Praise the Lord. I give thanks to the Lord first because I got down on my knees last night and cried after my last blog and begged for Mercy for pain releif. 🙏🏼
I don’t know if it’s the placebo effect or if it’s the CBD itself but I feel awesome today. Everyone else has even commented on how I am acting and I seem more relaxed. I give it to God first though. Because He is the one that made this happen. He created the plant. He created the people that cultivated the plant and those that found Out what CBDs do.
Thank you Father. Please allow this to continue.
Ps. If you’re still skeptical of what marijuana and hemp can do please take the blinders off and for one second look past what it does to you. Yes people get high from it but it has so many medicinal properties and reasons behind it also!!!