Well it’s been sometime before I posted last. Good note. Headaches stopped. Bad note. No idea why I was getting them. So get this:
Doctor says it’s stress and allergies
ER doctor said it was from stopping coffee
Chiropractor says it’s called Upper Cross and from sitting at work all day
Neurologist said it’s Anxiety
Psychiatrist says it’s my Bipolar
Sooooooo in other words. No one knows. 🤦🏻♀️
Well I stopped getting them. But I’m back on lithium for my bipolar. I realized that no matter how aware I am of my bipolar and no matter how understanding I am I just cannot control it. So I’m back on lithium and we shall see. It’s helping quiet my mind a little bit. Leaving me feel less and less like a schizophrenic. I guess one day at a time.
So my mind has been alllllll over the place. Anyone else get overly “thinkative”. Totally not a word but I like it so I’m sticking with it. I quit coffee. Not for ever, but I realized I needed to cut back. Cafe Bustelo is my weakness. 2 cups a day to cold turkey. Big damn mistake. Caffeine withdrawal is really a b****. So yeah. First came the headache. Next came the irritability. Then the insomnia and lastly the anxiety. Now my brain won’t shut the fudge up. It’s all over the place. Now I have been having thoughts about who knows what all day. Thoughts of me dying. Thoughts of me having cancer. Thoughts of things happening to my son or my husband…. it’s ridiculous.
Ok seriously brain. sometimes this brain needs to literally just stop working overtime. Like 8-5 is good enough for me. But this brain decides it wants to work overtime everyday. I can’t. Is it just the caffeine withdrawal or what? I can’t seem to relax. I think it’s anxiety but not sure. My thought process cracks me up though. Who else can go from thinking of giraffes to potentially losing their dog to a bear attack!! This girl! So my question is how do I calm this brain down. I know it’s a lot of reasons right now but how do you stop your brain from over thinking. Anyone out there have any idea!!! Any suggestions are helpful.
Is there really such as thing as being too emotional. Is there really such a thing as taking everything personal. Am I too sensitive. Or are people just assholes. I’m not sensitive to those I don’t know or care about. But the ones closest to me. Words hurt. More than people know. I just cannot wrap my head around people sometimes. Is it me!? Has it always been me? Am I really that sensitive. Or are some people just straight up assholes? I can’t tell anymore. I honestly have no idea anymore. 🤔 I ponder this thought. 💭 I don’t know. Anyone have any answers for me. I think it’s the borderline personality. It has to be. It has to me being that sensitive because just wow sometimes. Fucking wow. Ok that was a bit much I’m sorry. Forgive me. I’m trying so hard to become a better person. God forgive me. Lord please help me.
Later. I guess. Meh. 💟