So my mind has been alllllll over the place. Anyone else get overly “thinkative”. Totally not a word but I like it so I’m sticking with it. I quit coffee. Not for ever, but I realized I needed to cut back. Cafe Bustelo is my weakness. 2 cups a day to cold turkey. Big damn mistake. Caffeine withdrawal is really a b****. So yeah. First came the headache. Next came the irritability. Then the insomnia and lastly the anxiety. Now my brain won’t shut the fudge up. It’s all over the place. Now I have been having thoughts about who knows what all day. Thoughts of me dying. Thoughts of me having cancer. Thoughts of things happening to my son or my husband…. it’s ridiculous.
Ok seriously brain. sometimes this brain needs to literally just stop working overtime. Like 8-5 is good enough for me. But this brain decides it wants to work overtime everyday. I can’t. Is it just the caffeine withdrawal or what? I can’t seem to relax. I think it’s anxiety but not sure. My thought process cracks me up though. Who else can go from thinking of giraffes to potentially losing their dog to a bear attack!! This girl! So my question is how do I calm this brain down. I know it’s a lot of reasons right now but how do you stop your brain from over thinking. Anyone out there have any idea!!! Any suggestions are helpful.
Is there really such as thing as being too emotional. Is there really such a thing as taking everything personal. Am I too sensitive. Or are people just assholes. I’m not sensitive to those I don’t know or care about. But the ones closest to me. Words hurt. More than people know. I just cannot wrap my head around people sometimes. Is it me!? Has it always been me? Am I really that sensitive. Or are some people just straight up assholes? I can’t tell anymore. I honestly have no idea anymore. 🤔 I ponder this thought. 💭 I don’t know. Anyone have any answers for me. I think it’s the borderline personality. It has to be. It has to me being that sensitive because just wow sometimes. Fucking wow. Ok that was a bit much I’m sorry. Forgive me. I’m trying so hard to become a better person. God forgive me. Lord please help me.
Later. I guess. Meh. 💟
Have you ever wondered what your purpose is in life? I do. Quite often. I’m a Christian so of course I believe I’m here for a reason. I feel lately where I’ve become closer to learning that purpose. Almost like it’s staring right in front of me and I don’t even realize it.
The love of my life is absolutely wonderful and amazing at times but with most people we all have flaws. I wonder if my purpose is here to help him. I had someone today at work tell me they need more people like me in the world….yet I wish I wasn’t me. I need to know. Why am I here. Have I already fulfilled my purpose on this planet and have missed it? Is it standing right in front of me. Is my purpose so tiny it may pass on by? So many questions. So many unanswered questions. I guess that’s where faith and praying come into play.
My addiction to my Xbox has become….well….out of control. Yet I thoroughly enjoy playing video games. I like to help people. I like talking to people who have issues like mine. Apparently I’m easy to talk to. Or so I’ve Been told. I want to help people. I want to help people understand that there is help out there. That there is a way to be mentally sane. Or as I call it “normal”. Most people tell me I shouldn’t call it “normal” because let’s be honest there’s no criteria for what is normal. However, my idea of normal is not over reacting to things said to me, not having emotional breakdowns, or anxiety attacks. Normal is not feeling an emotion time 1000!! Sometimes I wish I could just be fun and spontaneous without having to worry about my emotional state. The anger. Oh the anger. The crying. The happiness. Everything I feel is time 1000! Maybe one day. I’m always a step closer.
Ranting and raving. Always. Never a dull moment with me.
A week off and I come back to drama, arguments, changes, annoyance and all sorts of others. Man I really hate this place (work) because of the people sometimes. I get sucked into this mess every single time. Not this time. My mouth is staying shut. I need a vacation already. Women are horrible sometimes. I honestly would love to smash a few heads against each other. However I’m going to try to remain positive and stay out of the lime light. Teach the new people and move on. THIS is why I get so angry sometimes. I’m changing my phone number!!!!
I miss him. More than he realizes. However it’s come and gone. Lost love is better than never loving. ❤️
Backpacking is physically exhausting. However it is mentally relaxing for me. I love being smack in the middle of the woods listening to the wonderful sounds of nature. The birds singing, the wind blowing, the crickets chirping, the distant sounds of the trees cracking and feeling the sunshine on my face. Relaxation at its best. I love love love my ENO hammock by the way. You should totally get one. Best invention ever. It literally went up in about 30 seconds. The boys (doggies) did amazingly well. We couldn’t have been prouder of them. Never left our side and loved going on adventure walks. Ahhhh the be in the woods. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming boys and girls….
Oh yeah. The rollercoast ride came back down. And boy was it a bitch this time. In about another two weeks it’ll be going up again. The down part sucks. Meh. 😒